Tag Archive for: therapist

Money Scripts—Part 2: How to Manage the Script

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Understanding why we behave the way we do with money is the first step toward transforming our relationship with it. In part one of this series, we explored the concept of money scripts—the unconscious beliefs about money that shape our financial decisions. And we dug into four dominant money scripts: money status, money worship, money avoidance and money vigilance. 

These scripts are not inherently good or bad. However, without awareness, they can create challenges in how we manage our finances. The good news? You can take control of your money script and reshape it in ways that better serve you. In this second part of the series, we’ll focus on actionable strategies to manage these scripts, flip unhelpful patterns and build healthier financial behaviors.

Managing Money Status

For individuals with a money status script, the drive to prove their own worth through financial achievements can lead to overspending, debt accumulation or a constant cycle of comparison.

To break free from the hold of money status, create intentional space between the desire to purchase and the action of buying. Pause and ask yourself: Am I making this purchase to fulfill an emotional need? Will buying this truly solve or address that need?

For example, if the urge to splurge on a luxury item hits, reflect on whether the purchase aligns with your long-term financial goals or if it’s merely an emotional reaction. Being mindful around purchases can help you gain control over impulsive spending habits and reduce the emotional weight you place on money as a source of self-esteem.

It may help to consider that we tend not to factor debt into our perceptions of others. When it comes to the proverbial Joneses (whom you might be tempted to keep up with), consider that they may themselves be walking an untenable tightrope, taking on too much debt to truly support their lifestyles. And if this is the case, it may not be something you want to emulate, let alone outdo. 

Managing Money Worship

Money worship may show up as the belief that financial success will lead to happiness and fulfillment. And while money may help reduce stress, it doesn’t necessarily lead to lasting contentment. In fact, research shows that while happiness does rise with income, for many, it tends to plateau once they make about $100,000 annually.

To counteract money worship, make a conscious effort to take money out of the happiness equation. Instead, prioritize activities and experiences that truly bring you joy. For instance, you may choose to invest in experiences, taking trips, exploring hobbies or trying something altogether new. Focus on your values. Ask yourself what really matters to you beyond the pursuit of wealth. It might be as simple as spending time with loved ones or giving back to your community.

Rather than chasing external symbols of success, redirect your energy toward building meaningful relationships and activities. This shift can help you redefine happiness in ways that are both fulfilling and sustainable.

Managing Money Avoidance

Money avoidance often stems from the belief that money is inherently bad or shameful. This script can lead to neglecting finances, avoiding budgets or feeling guilty about earning or spending money.

Overcoming money avoidance starts with building a healthy relationship with your finances. Here’s how:

  • Create financial habits: Start small. Dedicate 15 minutes a week to reviewing your budget, checking account balances or tracking expenses. The more you interact with your money, the less scary it becomes.
  • Reframe your perspective: Money is not inherently good or bad—it’s a tool. Reflect on the ways financial security can be a positive force in your life and the world around you. For example, having control over your money can empower you to help loved ones, support causes you care about and enjoy more peace of mind.

By consistently engaging with your finances, you can begin to replace feelings of shame or discomfort with a sense of empowerment and control.

Managing Money Vigilance

Money vigilance often leads to responsible financial behavior, like saving diligently and avoiding excessive spending. However, its downside can include anxiety around spending or an inability to enjoy the rewards of hard work.

To ensure your money vigilance doesn’t become overly restrictive, watch for signs of financial anxiety:

  • Are you monitoring your finances excessively?
  • Do you feel guilty when spending money, even on things that bring joy or improve your quality of life?
  • Are you afraid of spending freely, even when you can afford to do so, and your purchases align with your goals?

Striking a balance is key. While saving is vital, allow yourself to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Create space in your budget for small, intentional indulgences. 

Discovering Your Script

These four money scripts are not exhaustive, nor are they mutually exclusive. Many people embody a mix of these beliefs, influenced by personal experiences, family teachings and cultural norms. The key is identifying your most dominant scripts and understanding how they impact your financial behaviors.

What are your money scripts? Discovering them requires honest self-reflection. Start by exploring the following questions:

  • What did family and community members teach me about money? Was money seen as good, bad or taboo? Did financial success signify status? Was it a source of stress or pride?
  • What did my circumstances teach me? If money was scarce during your childhood, you may now see it as something to hoard or fear. Alternatively, if money provided security, it might feel like a source of safety.
  • What has my culture taught me? In the U.S., for instance, discussing money is often considered taboo, even though consumer culture places enormous pressure to spend and accumulate wealth.

As you reflect, take note of which beliefs have served you well and which ones may be holding you back. Ask yourself: How have these beliefs impacted my financial decisions? Are they helping me build the life I want, or do they create stress and frustration?

Flipping the Script

Identifying and understanding your money scripts is just the beginning. Transforming them requires ongoing effort, self-awareness and a willingness to experiment with new behaviors. 

One way to start the transformation? Be on the lookout for habit loops. What happens when you think about money? Do you go online and shop? Do you go organize your sock drawer? What are the results of these behaviors? Perhaps you find you go on bouts of overspending, deny yourself affordable enjoyments or avoid necessary financial tasks, such as paying your bills.  

Reshaping your money scripts is a lifelong journey. As you gather new insights and experiences, you’ll continue to refine your approach to money in ways that align with your goals and values. Taking the time to reflect—and reshape—your mindset can create lasting change. If you’ve applied these tactics and still find yourself struggling, you might consider turning to a financial therapist who can further help uncover the emotions guiding financial decisions and help you work toward healthy financial behaviors. And as always, we’re here to support however we can.

WSWA

Warren Street Wealth Advisors

Warren Street Wealth Advisors, LLC., a Registered Investment Advisor

The information presented here represents opinions and is not meant as personal or actionable advice to any individual, corporation, or other entity. Any investments discussed carry unique risks and should be carefully considered and reviewed by you and your financial professional. Nothing in this document is a solicitation to buy or sell any securities, or an attempt to furnish personal investment advice. Warren Street Wealth Advisors may own securities referenced in this document. Due to the static nature of content, securities held may change over time and current trades may be contrary to outdated publications. Form ADV available upon request 714-876-6200.

Money Scripts—Part 1: The Stories We Tell Ourselves in Order to Live, Save and Spend

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When it comes to our finances, we’re only human. We make good decisions and sometimes, not-so-good decisions. Behavioral biases play a big role in our savings, spending and investing decisions. But there’s another reason behind some of the financial decisions we make: It’s how we were brought up. 

Psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz calls these our “money scripts”—unconscious rules and beliefs we develop about money that are often passed from generation to generation. Some guide us in positive directions, like learning the importance of saving for a rainy day. And some can lead to challenging behaviors later in life. One study in Britain, for example, found that children who were raised in households where spending was secretive were more likely to develop hoarding and other compulsive money habits as adults.

“The problem is that we take these beliefs for granted as adults, and we rarely go back and examine them, let alone decide to change them,” Klontz says. “Instead, they’re kind of like an actor’s script in a movie; we just continue to read the lines in our heads…and believe that they’re true, when in fact, they are often quite distorted and limit our success.”

Not all money scripts are bad. But getting caught up in your own negative money scripts can knock you off course as you pursue your financial goals. Learning to recognize your scripts—and discovering ways to counter those negative ones—puts the power in your court, helping you make positive changes to your financial behavior. 

In the first of this two-part of this series, let’s explore some of the most common money scripts.

Understanding Money Scripts

While there are many money scripts, Klontz and his fellow researchers have identified four main patterns. 

  1. Money status: This category of scripts leads people to tie their self-esteem to how much money they have. It can lead to impulse buying and overspending to flaunt wealth.

    It might fuel the urge to keep up with the Joneses—or even show them up. Those who largely view their money as a status symbol believe that buying things like high-end clothes or luxury cars will show the world how successful they are. They might round up when they tell people how much they earn, and keep secrets about money from their partners, especially if their spending leads to living beyond their means. They might also have distorted view of others based on how much money they have, believing rich people should be happy and poor people are lazy or don’t deserve money at all, for instance.

They might also have distorted view of others based on how much money they have, believing rich people should be happy and poor people are lazy or don’t deserve money at all, for instance.

  1. Money worship: Those who identify with money worship often feel like money is the key to happiness, freedom and power—and if they only had more, their problems would be solved. 

Closely tied to these feelings is the belief that you can never have too much money, and that you can’t trust other people around money issues. This belief can set money worshippers on a spend, spend, spend treadmill as they chase happiness goal posts that keep shifting further into the distance. 


  1. Money avoidance: People who avoid money (or at least managing the money they’ve got) carry a deep-seated belief that money is bad or shameful, that accumulating wealth is greedy and that those who do so are corrupt. It may come as no surprise, then, that money avoidance can hamper the ability to accumulate wealth.

    Those who identify with this pattern may have a deep distrust of wealth and rich people and may even think that having less money is virtuous. After all, money corrupts and the rich must be taking advantage of people, right? There may even be some feeling of not deserving to have money.
  2. Money vigilance: Vigilant spenders accept that money is a practical tool best used to save for the future. The money vigilant are often frugal, and they may downplay how much they make and even be secretive about money.

    For these people, talking about money can feel shameful or taboo, making it tough to have practical conversations about it. They may have a hard time spending money on themselves, whether it’s buying a new appliance when the old one breaks or shelling out on an interest or activity that brings them joy. 

Now, we should note that these categories represent extremes. And as such, they may not read as particularly attractive. Who wants to identify with any of them, really? But in reality, we likely contain a bit of each of these patterns to varying degrees. Some may pull stronger than others, and some that sound overtly negative may offer strengths. For example, it’s okay to buy something flashy every once and a while (and even to get a thrill from showing off a bit), especially if your stronger tendencies lean toward money vigilance.      

With an understanding of the most common money scripts under your belt, you’re equipped to start keeping an eye out for where echoes of each appear in your own life in positive and negative ways. This identification process is important, because it allows you to move away from tendencies that don’t serve you well and toward those that do. In the second part of this series, we’ll offer strategies for flipping the script on these common behaviors and exploring your own personal money scripts. Stay tuned!

And in the meantime, we’re here to answer questions or offer strategies that can help you better reach your long-term financial goals.

WSWA

Warren Street Wealth Advisors

Warren Street Wealth Advisors, LLC., a Registered Investment Advisor

The information presented here represents opinions and is not meant as personal or actionable advice to any individual, corporation, or other entity. Any investments discussed carry unique risks and should be carefully considered and reviewed by you and your financial professional. Nothing in this document is a solicitation to buy or sell any securities, or an attempt to furnish personal investment advice. Warren Street Wealth Advisors may own securities referenced in this document. Due to the static nature of content, securities held may change over time and current trades may be contrary to outdated publications. Form ADV available upon request 714-876-6200.

You May Know Your Love Language, but What’s Your Money Script?

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Quality Time. Acts of Service. Words of Affirmation. Physical touch. You may know your primary love language, an unofficial classification of the different ways people express and receive love. But have you heard of Money Scripts®?

Money scripts®, a term first coined by financial psychologist Brad Klotz, are the often-unconscious ideas and attitudes we have about money. They are:

  • Learned in childhood
  • Passed down through generations 
  • Only partial truths
  • Responsible for many financial outcomes 

For many people, discovering and exploring their money script® is a valuable step toward improving their financial well-being. Plus, the more you understand your own attitude toward money, the better you are able to explore how your beliefs and assumptions impact your relationships with others. No one money script® is good or bad; the important thing is to understand your primary script and manage it in a healthy way. 

Read on to discover your primary money script® and explore some ideas for how you can work with it to develop a healthy approach to managing your finances. 

#1: Money Avoidance

People with this money script may view money as inherently evil or negative, and they may go to great lengths to avoid discussions about finances. You might be a money avoider if you’ve thought things like:

  • Rich people are greedy.
  • I feel guilty about having money.
  • People with less money usually have better character than wealthy people.
  • Money stresses me out, and I’d rather just not think about it.

Unhealthy Money Avoidance:

When not addressed, people with this money script may ignore financial statements, overspend, or enable others financially. 

Healthy Money Avoidance:

Work to pay attention to money at least at a high-level; you don’t have to monitor every penny, but general budgeting and having a financial plan can go a long way in helping you reach your future goals. 

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#2: Money Focus/Worship

Is money on your mind 24/7? Does money seem like the ultimate key to happiness? If so, you may be “worshiping” money without even realizing it. This might be your money script if you’ve had thoughts like:

  • I could never have enough money.
  • If I buy this, I will be happy (i.e, “retail therapy”).
  • My problems would all go away if I just made a little more money. 
  • My family will understand if I put in extra hours so I can bring home more money.

Unhealthy Money Focus:

The higher people score on Money Focus, the more likely they are to have low net worth or credit card debt. If you find yourself constantly spending in search of happiness, it might be time to make some changes. 

Healthy Money Focus:

Our society puts money on a pedestal. Still, it’s important to recognize that money does not equal happiness. Work on flexing your gratitude muscle, perhaps by keeping a gratitude journal. Make time for activities and people you love. And when you feel the impulse to make a purchase, ask yourself, do I really need this item, or am I just buying it for the sake of buying something?

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#3: Money Status

This money script is similar to #2, but instead of equating money to happiness, a Money Status mentality links money and self-worth. People with this money script view themselves as more “worthy” when they have a lot of money. They may be at risk of overspending and buying flashy, expensive items to prove their status. 

You might have a “Money Status” money script if you’ve thought things like:

  • This shirt/Apple Watch/car/purse is worth the splurge, because it’s “on brand” for me.
  • I like gambling – it helps me make more money to support my lifestyle.
  • It’s acceptable to hide purchases from my partner; they wouldn’t understand why I need these things.

Unhealthy Money Status:

In an unhealthy state, people with this money script are at risk for excessive spending, gambling, and financial dependency on others. They may have been raised in a socioeconomic class that prioritized appearances, and might carry that unconscious mindset into their adult lives.

Healthy Money Status:

The key is balance. If you want to treat yourself sometimes, that’s acceptable, but not at the expense of hiding things from your partner or spending money you don’t have. Work on addressing the reasons behind your need to spend, and talk about your spending strategies with your partner.

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#4: Money Vigilance

On paper, these are the “gold star” money script students. Still, too much of an extreme is never healthy, and it’s possible to be too vigilant. You might have a “Money Vigilance” money script if you’ve thought things like:

  • If you can’t buy it in cash, don’t buy it.
  • Hard work equals financial reward.
  • You can never save enough for a rainy day.
  • I’d rather save for a rainy day and my future than spend money on experiences now.

Unhealthy Money Vigilance:

When people are too focused and anxious about their finances, it can keep them from enjoying their present lives. While this money script can emphasize frugality and saving, it can also lead to excessive stress and anxiety that could have been alleviated by financial planning and management.

Healthy Money Vigilance:

Set aside a piece of your budget that is for using now on fun purchases. It’s great to save for the future, but spending on some things you can enjoy now will go a long way in helping you feel a sense of enjoyment and gratitude. Work with a trusted advisor or partner to set a specific time to think about and discuss finances, and focus on living in the moment.

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By now, you probably have a sense for your own money script. Discuss it with your partner, and talk about what’s similar or different to the way you view money. You might be making assumptions about the other person’s viewpoint without even realizing it, and understanding each other can go a long way in helping you make decisions about money together in the future. Plus, it can be a fun bonding experience over a date night if you approach it with a lighthearted attitude! Let us know your results.

WSWA

Warren Street Wealth Advisors

Warren Street Wealth Advisors, LLC., a Registered Investment Advisor

The information presented here represents opinions and is not meant as personal or actionable advice to any individual, corporation, or other entity. Any investments discussed carry unique risks and should be carefully considered and reviewed by you and your financial professional. Nothing in this document is a solicitation to buy or sell any securities, or an attempt to furnish personal investment advice. Warren Street Wealth Advisors may own securities referenced in this document. Due to the static nature of content, securities held may change over time and current trades may be contrary to outdated publications. Form ADV available upon request 714-876-6200.

Healing What Hurts: The Essential Role of a Financial Therapist

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As financial advisors, we help people attain financial independence. Usually our personalized planning conversations are enough to help them establish a healthy, happy relationship with their money. But sometimes we uncover bigger pain points we need to address before we can move forward.

There is no shame in that! Almost all of us have picked up at least some emotional baggage related to money. When standard financial advice isn’t enough, we may recommend engaging a financial therapist to assist. In the right circumstances, they can be an invaluable addition to your wealth management team.

When Can a Financial Therapist Help?

When is financial therapy warranted? As financial advisor Rick Kahler said in a 2019 article, “A person can benefit from financial therapy when their behaviors are not in line with their values.” Put another way, if it feels as if no amount of financial planning will resolve a greater discontent, this can be a sign that deeper forces are at work, such as one or more of the following:

  • You often spend to excess or are frugal beyond the point of reason, but you’re still unhappy, feeling as if there is an emotional hole you can never quite fill.
  • You tell yourself and others half-truths or outright lies about your money management. For example, your spouse doesn’t know about that extra account you’ve stashed at another bank, or you hide just how deep in debt you’ve become. You convince yourself your secrets won’t hurt anyone and that it will all just work itself out somehow.
  • Whether as a recipient or a provider, you’re trapped in a financial exchange with little joy in the giving or gratitude in the receiving. You long to get out from under the relationship but you feel helpless to change it.
  •  You have important financial issues to discuss with your aging parents, with your adult children, or as a couple. But you’re so used to not talking about money, you don’t know how to break the silence.
  • Your financial interests are in disarray, with important changes you’d like to make. But even with an advisor to assist, you can’t bring yourself to take action. You remain mired in indecision.
  •  You yearn to have a sensible strategy guiding your financial journey, but you find yourself continually overhauling your investments, your advisors, and your overall approach. Nothing ever seems right for very long.
  •  You reach a point where you feel there is no point. You stop even opening incoming bills. You shut out those offering to assist. Rather than bringing you any happiness, your money has become a source of misery and shame.

How Does a Financial Therapist Help?

Following are a few of the types of issues a financial therapist can help you reconcile: 

  • As a child: Was money a taboo subject when you were growing up? Even once you’re an adult, these early influences can weigh on your financial autonomy, and make it difficult to engage with your aging parents about their own challenges.
  • As a parent: You may have justifiably developed a strong sense of financial duty to your children. This can leave you struggling to establish practical boundaries once your beloved babies become adults.
  • As a couple: You and your spouse may each come into your relationship with very different saving, spending, investing, and borrowing behaviors. If entrenched differences go unaddressed, they can wreak havoc on an otherwise loving relationship.
  • As an individual: You may feel anxious and ill-prepared to take care of your own or your family’s financial logistics. Or, on the flip side, you might believe you—and only you—must manage your entire household wealth. Either extreme can detract from reaching a healthy balance between your emotional confidence and your financial well-being.

Working With a Financial Therapist

Financial management can be difficult for anyone, and struggling at times does not necessarily mean you have a chronic issue in your relationship with money. But if your financial behaviors feel like they are crippling your financial future or causing you consistent distress, it may be time to bring in a financial therapist to help you move past the pain.

Some individuals or families also find it meaningful to consult with a financial therapist as an “ounce of prevention”.. This approach to financial therapy can be particularly empowering for major life transitions such as changing family structure, during a business succession, as you prepare for retirement, or when a wealth transfer occurs.  

How do you get started? As one financial therapist said: “For your money, you want a fiduciary. … For your emotional health, you want a licensed psychologist or therapist who knows how to treat the diagnoses you have and respects confidentiality.” Ideal matches also may depend on a therapist’s areas of expertise (such as family conflict, childhood trauma, or grief and anger management), and/or occupational niches (such as business owners, academics, or attorneys).

Here at Warren Street, we can make appropriate introductions for our clients. You can also use the Financial Therapy Association’s “Find a Financial Therapist” to search for qualified professionals in your region. However, note that financial therapy is a relatively new profession. With its roots dating back to 2009, the Financial Therapy Association was the first group to offer financial therapist certification in 2019. As such, it’s worth ensuring your would-be therapist possesses a solid tripod of professional credentials, academic qualifications, and seasoned experience before you entrust yourself to their care.

As financial professionals, we pride ourselves on helping individuals and families maximize their financial and emotional independence through a well-managed relationship with their wealth. That said, we don’t pretend we can be all things to everyone. When it’s time to focus on the nexus between mental health and household wealth, a qualified financial therapist can be an integral part of your Warren Street team. Ask us today how we can help.

Kirsten C. Cadden, CFP®

Associate Advisor, Warren Street Wealth Advisors

Investment Advisor Representative, Warren Street Wealth Advisors, LLC., a Registered Investment Advisor

The information presented here represents opinions and is not meant as personal or actionable advice to any individual, corporation, or other entity. Any investments discussed carry unique risks and should be carefully considered and reviewed by you and your financial professional. Nothing in this document is a solicitation to buy or sell any securities, or an attempt to furnish personal investment advice. Warren Street Wealth Advisors may own securities referenced in this document. Due to the static nature of content, securities held may change over time and current trades may be contrary to outdated publications. Form ADV available upon request 714-876-6200.